Watch the Baby Grow: Months 6, 7, & 9

Time for a photo update, except that I never took an 8 month photo-mom fail, the days are so short & time flies like never before.

These Boobies Save Lives

We have faced several challenges as new parents but one we have not had is any long term issues with my milk supply. I am passionate about breast feeding & have always had high hopes in successfully feeding my children in this manner. My goal is to provide Brit with breast milk until he's at least 9 months but preferably his entire first year. But since Brit started school he has become accustomed to the bottle & now prefers it to the breast, around that time we had a 100 minute messin' around breastfeeding session. He was just using that time for comfort & snuggling with his mama, which we both need but c'mon-mama ain't got time for that!

I hated making the decision but it was clear that pumping exclusively was the best choice for us at this time. I truly miss the bond that is created as you nurse your baby from your breast, it is totally different from bottle feeding, yet, we are so lucky to have the option & ability to continue providing breast milk. I pump every 4 hours & average about 8-10 ounces each session, except for my first pump of the day which is about 20 ounces. Brit typically eats a 6 ounce bottle every 3 hours & since I've been pumping from the start, I've built up a huge supply in the freezer.

Recently, I was made aware that there is a location in Fort Worth to donate breast milk for NICU babies in Texas & surrounding states called Mothers Milk Bank http://www.texasmilkbank.org/. I was immediately drawn to make a donation since Brit himself received donor breastmilk after birth, while I was too sick to nurse him. I felt like it was a major contribution I could easily make to help save a few babies lives. I was able to donate 150 ounces, which didn't even make a dent in our supply at home. Unfortunately I am only a one time donor due to new medication I have been taking, I encourage any new mama to consider donating, it is so easy: fill out a few forms, have some quick labwork drawn, & drop off or ship your milk, wah-lah: lives saved & you are forever blessed by your contribution! If you are interested but don't live in this area, holler at me & I'd be glad to bring milk back with me after a visit home to see family & drop it off for you.
Our freezer is shoved full of frozen milk & is acting wonky so, we have huge new freezer being delivered this week. At the rate I'm pumping it's likely that I may only have to pump another month & a half until I have enough frozen to get Brit through the next 6 months!

Watch The Baby Grow: Months 1-5

During month one mama got the board done but never a picture of the baby with it, she was beyond tired & a photo was the last thing on her mind.

At 6 weeks I finally moved to the co-sleeper & didn't spend the night in my mama's arms, mom was happy about that!

During month three I smiled, became alot more interactive, & started sleeping thru the night.  

At 12 weeks I  spent my nights sleeping in the bassinet, stopped breastfeeding & only took my breastmilk from a bottle. I laughed alot, learned to stomp, & rolled from my tummy for the first time.

At 5 months I like everyone, I try to sit up, I'm a drooling fool, & observe everything intensly.

Brit's Baby Shower

Last weekend we finally got to have Brit's baby shower. My little red-headed man was the guest of honor & thoroughly enjoyed being passed around the room. 

My two closest & sweetest friends, two kind sister-in-laws, & two dear ladies organized a beautiful party, I felt so honored by the event. It was planned to consider all of my prefrences: simple, blue, & NO baby shower games!

There was a table for everyone to sign a diaper with silly or sweet words.

My favorite foods & beverages were served buffet style with the cutest touches.

MMM-Mimosas! Mama's first drink in a looong time!

Divine Red Velvet Cupcakes. I think I've eaten about a dozen.

I got to see friends that I have missed desperately.

We were blessed by so many gifts, I had such a fun time opening them.

By the end of the party my kiddo was wiped out from so many snuggles & kisses. There is something special about having the baby there at his own baby shower-better than playing some game for sure!

Chris made an appearance & I made it awkward. (I have no clue what we are doing here)

I want to thank each sweet lady that hosted & attended, we were so blessed by you that day.

*Weeza, you are the best girl I know, thank you from the bottom of my heart!*

The Kid Just Wants to Eat, is That too Much to Ask?

While we were in the hospital recovering from Brit's big arrival my doula came for a visit. She gave some amazing encouragement & calmed me in my drugged state, then she held Brit & gave him a thorough once over & announced that he had a severe lip & tongue tie. 

As I began breastfeeding I experienced toe-curling pain & had to use a nipple shield for an effective latch, Brit was also a lazy eater & would tire easily. We mentioned all of this plus the doula's lip & tongue tie suspicions to the hospital pediatrician, she checked Brit's mouth quickly & denied any issues & stated that the feeding difficulties were due to his prematurity.
We went home & nursing continued to be a nightmare, I constantly cried out of pain, frustration, & fatigue. The only positive was that my milk supply was plentiful, but we didn't know what else to do so I began exclusively pumping & then bottle feeding the expressed milk, it seemed to work moderately well for the baby, but my goal was to simply breastfeed. My sister-in-law was a fantastic encourager & resource as my personal lactation consultant, I called her constantly with each day's frustrations.
  On the day that my mom left & Chris returned to work our doula came over for a visit, she again checked Brit's mouth & was adamant that her previous diagnosis was correct & that he had a severe case. She recommended a couple of doctors to treat the ties, I called Dr.Cole & we were booked for the following day.
Dr.Cole performed a quick exam, confirming a lip & tongue tie & stated the tongue was about 80% tied-no wonder nursing was a nightmare. He then performed the frenectomy with a laser, Brit was upset mostly by being restrained by Chris & having lights in his eyes. Otherwise, he tolerated the procedure well as I stood crying in the corner, no mama should watch her 10 day old baby experience a surgical procedure.
We were given medication & exercises to help him heal properly, then were escorted to the nursing lounge where I nursed my son for the first time without excruciating pain. We loved seeing him finally be able to stick out his cute little tongue.
In the time since the frenectomy Brit has been breastfed exclusively. We still have to use the nipple shield & nursing has been far from easy: he only nurses off of one side, he doesn't drain the breast completely, has a hard time with the initial latch, he thinks the breast is where he should pass out, & I constantly fight engorgement. Soon I will have to return to work, Brit will have to take breast milk from a bottle while at school & only breastfeed at night. I wish we were old pro's at breastfeeding before he & I have to spend the day apart, I don't want the daily separation to hinder our progress.
We went for a weight check this week & our boy has grown to be 7lbs at 6 weeks of age. His doctor isn't thrilled with his weight at this time, wants him to have gained more. She verified that he has a good latch but it's just one more worry that we have.
Thankfully, Brit seems to enjoy nursing despite all the work it takes, he screams & growls until he latches & then quickly becomes deeply relaxed. I think he & I both prefer to breastfeed, as evidence by this sweet smirky smile:

Our Birth Story

Our birth & homecoming continued the way the pregnancy was going: it ain't all sunshine folks. 

I went to the doctor for my regular weekly checkup at 36weeks with plans to deliver via scheduled c-section later in the week. What happened instead was a very dramatic bleeding episode in the doctors office & a trip to the hospital for observation. After I got to Maternal Observation I went into labor with real contractions & high blood pressure, the decision was made that the baby was to be taken as quickly as possible to get us out of the danger zone.

Grandmothers were called & told to hit the highway towards Fort Worth immediately, Chris left to get the dog from the vet & to go home to get a few things, & my sister-in-law Trisha was on her way but stuck in traffic.

I was admitted to Labor & Delivery, had 2 IV's started, labs drawn & then was placed on Magnesium Sulfate to help lower my BP & prevent seizures. Mag Sulf is the juice of Satan, no words describe the horrors of this drug. That time was the scariest, alone, hellish medicine burning my veins, labor pains, knowing my life would forever be changed at 3 pm-I cried & watched the clock count down, terrified that I'd have to do it alone.
Chris arrived 15 minutes before I was taken to the OR & Trisha made it as I was being wheeled out.

Once in the operating room, I was given a spinal, I remember saying "God" & "shit!" in the same sentence & thinking it was probably sacreligious but funny. Chris & Trisha were ushered in as the c-section was started, the doctors commented that it was very fast & easy to open me up since I had no real abdominal adipose tissue, we made jokes & conversation.
Things quieted down in the room as Brit was born at 3:47pm, his first cries were the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

Britton Wade Mullen weighed 5lb 4oz & was 19.25 " long, with copper colored hair.  He had a beautiful little conehead from being engaged in the birth canal-there was no way the boy would have made it to full term!

Soon after he was pulled from my belly I began having intense chest pain & my blood pressure dropped drastically, Dr.Z was having trouble with my uterus & the placenta was shredded. I was later diagnosed with eclampsia & a placental abruption. As I laid there & wondered if I was dying-the situation was not a good one. I had no clue what was happening, it was awful but there was still beauty in the birth of my sweet baby. My body held on to him as long as it could, that day I became a hero to myself.

After they got me stablized we were returned to my room for recovery, I hardly remember the next several days. Our mothers arrived & met the baby, I don't remember that. I have no clue if I explored my baby & counted fingers & toes. I am so thankful that there are photos & family to help me with those memories.

I was transferred to a special unit for one-on-one nursing care because of the magnesium sulfate, I was on fire then freezing, I itched to my core, I had double vision, I couldn't sleep for well over 24 hours, I cried constantly, I was severly anemic & looked like death, our family sat in the room watching me & waiting to cuddle the baby. Brit was only with us for a couple of hours in the first two days, he couldn't regulate his temperature or blood sugar & had to be kept in the nursery for special care.

After two days they turned off the mag bag, immediately the side effects began to subside, we went to Postpartum to finish our recovery. Unfortunately, we had difficulties breastfeeding & Brit was diagnosed with a lip & tongue tie. I still barely slept & felt in general like I'd been hit by a truck, but I was able to interact with everyone & finally bond with my baby. Chris was the best partner I could have ever hoped for during this time, strong & loving.

On our fourth day we were discharged, our long 4 year journey to have a baby of our own was finally a reality & I found it overwhelming, I cried as I dressed Brit for the trip home.

My mom stayed with us & helped the house adjust to a new baby. She encouraged us, fed us, held her grandson so his tired parents could sleep, taught me how to become a mother, massaged my engorged breasts, wiped away my everflowing tears, & loved on our shell shocked dogs. It was so hard to let her go home at the end of the week.

Since my Mom left & Chris returned to work I have struggled to perform well at motherhood. I feel like a failure several times a day, I no longer know how to coordinate my day & feel lucky if I get my teeth brushed. We have hit so many bumps in the road but we are all still alive! We are quickly nearing my return to work date & I'm terrified how it will all come together, more than anything my heart is being ripped out by the reality that I cannot stay at home to raise my son.

Our birth experience was so far from what we wanted, there is such grief in type of delivery & loss of memories of that special day, but having this boy has been the greatest (& hardest) thing I've ever done. It's only just the beginning....

Watch The Bump Grow: Weeks 29-36 Final Installment

36 Weeks & Barely Hanging On

We got some frigid weather here in Fort Worth last night & ended up being without power for about 15 hours. The house temp got all the way down to 54 degrees today, I've never mentioned that I'm stuck at home on strict bedrest, have I? (eye roll) All day I was huddled under a stack of blankets with a good book & my doggies were covered little lumps nearby. Actually doesn't sound too bad, does it? It wasn't, my teeth only chattered when I had potty breaks.

This past weekend I had quite a few contractions that had me in pain & out of breath after a major bleeding episode a few days prior to that. We saw my doctor today for my 36 week appointment, my Sono shows that my cervix is nearly completely effaced at this time, my blood pressure is still stupid high, the protein levels in my urine are slowly creeping up, my blood work is showing subtle changes, & I could go into labor at any moment. My doctor is about to leave town 5 days, his only vacation of the year.

Gah!

We have a c-section scheduled for December 5 & I want so badly to make it to that date. I realize that you can't plan or control this stuff or anything for the rest of my life as a parent BUT: I really have high hopes to make it til' then because: I love the date #5, the grandmothers are planning their trips here & hotels, & Chris has a weekend of major construction planned to complete our floors & Sheetrock throughout the house. Obviously after this pregnancy, with all it's difficult twists & turns, I want the comfort of MY doctor taking this boy from my body, not the on-call stranger OB. Dr.Z has taken such good care of us throughout the ups & downs that it's important for him there for the grand finale with us. 

Yes, there's been a lot of stress & disappointment that has come with this experience, but none of that will ever outweigh the fact that in the next week & a half at the latest we will finally get to wrap OUR baby up in OUR arms & leave behind so much of the pain of infertlity & high-risk pregnancy. How freakin' lucky, blessed, & thrilled are we!?! 

While I've struggled to absorb this experience & not just feel as if I'm in a dream, I'm so excited & eager to meet this boy, find out everything there is about him, & see the man he becomes. 

Chris & I have greatly appreciated the love & support shown to us as we have struggled, the generosity shown to us has been humbling.

I ask for one more thing though, prayers of blessing over Brit on the day of his birth & a prayer of thanksgiving for his precious life.

Maternity Ward Frequent Flyer

I was admitted into the the hospital again. sigh.

Earlier this week my blood pressure was running around 160/120 when all I was doing was sitting on my booty on the floor. I moved to the bed, laid on my left side, & managed to work it back down to borderline acceptable with only a mild headache. The following morning I had my regular weekly appointment with my OB & boy did I get fussed at for not hauling myself to the hospital the day before. 

Dr.Z checked me & said my cervix was beginning to open. I also had lab work, a biophysical profile, & a fetal non stress test-all a normal part of my visit with my condition. My blood pressure in the office was still running too high so I was sent over to the hospital for observation & of course it calmed down to a beautiful 117/77 (making me look like a hypertension faker), where it hasn't been for nearly a month. We were discharged, walked to the car, I sat down in my seat & immediately felt a gush of blood.

We turned around & went back to maternal observation, thankfully we had been gone for such a short amount of time that my chart hadn't even been closed out & we were able to pick up where we had left off. My BP was back up & now I had a date with the Perinatologist.

The perinatologist was awesome & so thorough. She discovered that my cervix was dilated one cm at the top & is full of blood. She also revealed that my placenta had previously only traveled up enough to sit on the cusp of the cervix & as the cervix begins to dilate the placenta is slipping into the opening, causing bleeding & Brit's head is resting directly on top of the cervix. 

The result of all this is a scheduled c-section to take place in the next 2-3 weeks, a far cry from my long time plan of a a natural vaginal delivery using Hypnobabies. I feel like I'm in some sort of a state of grief for not getting the delivery that I have wanted for so long.
Having a c-section means that we no longer have control over labor & delivery, we won't get to assist in pulling Brit from my body, bonding may be delayed, breastfeeding may be more difficult, I will now have drugs coursing through my body, & the recovery from major abdominal surgery will take much longer than a natural delivery. In short, I'm scared & sad to lose the birth experience that I want but know that the only important thing is that I'll be holding a baby in my arms, I'm sure we won't care how he arrives once he's here.
After being admitted my in laws came to town & kept me occupied. I stayed overnight for observation, IV fluids, labs, & a 24 hour urine collection. My BP remained borderline but acceptable & the protein in my urine was within normal limits so I was discharged to come home for continued bed rest. My mother in law has filled my belly with delicious food & I've been able to snuggle my puppies, we are grateful for the help so that Chris has not had to bear the role of caregiver alone after a difficult pregnancy.
I have a doctor appointment on Monday where we schedule the c-section, probably during the first week of December. After 4 long years of waiting, I cannot believe that meeting my son is just around the corner...

The Dramatic Saga of my Dysfunctional Pregnant Uterus

The last two weeks have been stressful, eventful, & we very nearly met our sweet boy way too soon at 28 weeks. Thankfully things turned out far differently than they could have.

I was at work on a Tuesday evening 2 weeks ago trying to finish up, I had spent the day working triage on the phones, in my chair basically all day but had felt Braxton-Hicks sporadically. It was the easiest workday I've had since I started this new job. 

As I finished phoning in a prescription for a patient I suddenly felt a warm gush, I ran to the bathroom & found quite a bit of blood. I yelled at the doctor what was happening, grabbed my bag, & ran to my car. I called Chris & we frantically drove home to meet to make the trip to the hospital together. I changed my clothes & met Chris at the door when I heard his tires screech to a halt in front of the house. I hopped in the truck unprepared for what was coming & even though the drive took place during rush hour, we made it to the hospital so much faster than we could have hoped.

We walked up to Maternal Observation, announced why we were there, & were immediately transferred to Labor & Delivery. I changed, got into bed, was hooked up to a fetal monitor, given an IV, labs were drawn, and things got rolling. The monitor revealed that what I thought were Braxton-Hicks were actually legit contractions that were occuring between 6-10 minutes apart without regularity, I could feel every single one but was not in pain, I still thought that they should have been Braxton-Hicks but oh, was I wrong!

I was observed for several hours until I finally went for an ultrasound & consult with the High Risk Perinatoligist. Dr.T informed us that Brit was breech, the placenta was presenting as Marginal Placenta Previa, but most importantly that I was in Pre-term labor, he said that we were facing trying to stop labor using Magnesium. Once we got back to my room I had to ask Chris to tell me again what had just happened, I couldn't process any thing after hearing the words pre-term labor. I was immediately given an injection of betamethasone in my hip which is a steroid that stimulates the production of surfactant in the baby's lungs to help prevent respiratory distress in premature infants. Throughout this all Brit was an ornery guy, he was not enjoying the contractions & told us about it by jumping, kicking, & climbing all over the place. He was the most active I've ever felt but with a great heart rate.

My nurse was candid with us when asked what all this meant. She told us that we were possibly facing delivering our baby much sooner than expected, he would be delivered via c-section due to breech presentation, & would be be immediately taken to the NICU. She said that we would get to see him as he was whisked away, I'd go to recovery, get started on a breast pump to try to stimulate my milk production, & once I could get up-go see my son. We were both numb, this was not our plan. As a few hours passed things seemed to settle down slightly, I sent Chris home to take care of the dogs & get some sleep in case the following day was to be what was being predicted.

Around 12:30 am I began having contractions every 5 minutes, the nurse monitored me closely, put me on my left side again, & was on the verge of calling the doctor to start the magnesium. I didn't quite realize what was happen because I was so exhausted, somehow I fell asleep in the chaos. I woke up 3 hours later. As I slept my contractions had stopped completely & Brit had settled down. No intervention had been necessary. The only reason we had gone from panic to absolute calmness was that God was in control, He gave us a swift 180 degree change without any medical intervention.

It was a whole new day, I finally got to eat & drink, I was visited by the doctors who saw no reason in keeping me in L&D. Soon I was transferred to the Ante-partum unit for observation & bed-rest with bathroom privileges. I stayed in Ante-Partum for two days without any uterine-drama, they gave me my second shot of betamethasone & sent me home for more bedrest. I followed up with my doctor a few days later, had another ultrasound, & got fantastic news that the placenta previa had resolved & Brit was now turned head down. My doctor reluctantly gave me permission to return to work but only light duties with frequent breaks.

Fast foward two weeks, all has gone well at work & home, we had even started the first of six of our childbirth classes. My boss would only allow me to work the phones, I stayed off my feet would elevate them frequently.
At the begining of Tuesday morning I had a headache, then as I took a phone call I was hardly able to read the patient chart-I had bright spots clouding my vision, I asked my coworker to check my blood pressure-it was high. We rechecked a bit later, still high. As the morning progressed my headache improved slightly, as did my vision. I performed a urine dip on my urine & found no traces of protien, I notified my OB office & was told to monitor further & head to L&D if necessary. After lunch my coworker came to check my blood pressure once more & it was even higher, so I sat & tried to relax. I finally got up to send a fax in the front office & as I was standing there I had the sudden sensation that I had just peed on myself. I tried to get a look at my backside & the other nurse said with alarm 'oh honey, you're bleeding"! Blood was everywhere, all the way past my knees. The nurses were freaked out, trying to shove my things at me to leave, but I stood there & tried to update them on what items I was working on so that they could finish it up. I grabbed my stuff, called Chris, & drove home. We repeated our trip to the hospital with my mama praying form work with her close friend for protection over my womb & son. Once in Maternal Observation I was put on the fetal monitor, labs were drawn, went for a sono & consult with the high risk perinatologist, & made to rest on my side for a couple of hours. Since I was in no pain I felt dumb for even being there, my nurse hushed me up telling me sternly that I was exactly where I needed to be & Chris confirmed that I was being way too casual about the situation. Surprisingly no one was able to find where the issue lay or the source of bleeding, so I was sent home on bedrest, again.
I have followed up with my doctor, it's difficult not knowing why I continue to have issues, I will see him once a week for biophysical profiles, non-stress tests, & an exam to very closely monitor the remainder of my pregnancy.
I am now categorized as full blown High Risk, I am not expected to make it to my due date, I have been placed on moderate bedrest with permission to run an errand & get back to my couch or bed quickly, we are required to be within 30 minutesof the hospital at all times, & of course: I'm not allowed to return to work. We are so grateful that Brit is still hanging out in my belly but can't help but to feel stressed by the situation. It's another chapter in my "this happens to someone else, not me".
We were not prepared to suddenly lose my paycheck, I know it will work out somehow. I notified my job today that I won't be returning for several months, I felt so guilty although I have no control over the circumstances, I hate to leave them hanging. Since it is a private practice & I have only been just over 60 days I don't qualify for FMLA or short term disability, this is even more frustrating since I could have had all of this from my last job that I had to leave only because my patient began attending school & the district won't allow a nurse to attend with their patient.
Overall, the news is good, I still have my baby boy exactly where he needs to be...

Third Trimester AKA: I Can't See my Toes Anymore.

* I wrote this post 2 weeks ago & never finished it prior to pre-term labor drama*

Geeze, this is going by way too fast, we are already in the third trimester!

I thoroughly enjoyed the second trimester & am a bit sad to see it go, the 3rd is where everything becomes a bit tougher physically. I love having Brit with me everywhere I go & while I can't wait to meet him-I'm nowhere ready to share him with this great big world.

Here's the latest news:

His name in case you haven't heard, is offcially Britton Wade, he's being called Brit, with ONE T.

I've never felt more beautiful in my life, I love what this baby looks like on the front of my body, we belong together-this belly & I. 

Weight gain is 10 pounds at 27 weeks.

I'm BARELY hanging on to my innie belly button, it's more of a flat-ey with a slit these days. Chris likes to tease me about an outie being in my near future, I don't like outies.

I still have a low-lying placenta by 2 little milimeters. It will travel upward those 2 mm's or else I'm going to be throwing a fit. An ugly one. My doula has started me on increased hydration, raising the foot of our bed, & daily visualization of the placenta moving upward.

We are signed up to start hypnobabies childbirth classess in October. I will be having a drug free, peacful childbirth complete with a vaginal delivery (take that rebellious placenta!) If I'm not a granola lovin', tree hugging hippie by the time they are over I don't know what could ever sway me over to that side. I don't care if you think it's kooky, I care that it works. 

Chris has informed our doctor that he will be helping catch Brit as he is born. Dr.Z didn't seem to be too thrilled but is agreeing to it as long as everything is going well. 

Brit is about 2 pounds & 14 inches long & moves like he's at a disco up in there. Or swimming the butterfly stroke.

I curse the nighttime leg cramps & round ligament pain. Assholes.

Chris loves on his boy every night, they talk to each other, & Daddy pesters his boy to get a reaction, the poor kid doesn't even get to cook completely before it begins. 

Chris has painted the nursery & put together the crib, while I'm dragging my feet to sew up sweet little baby things to complete the decor, the last thing I want to do after work is hover over my sewing machine. 

I cannot believe how hard it is to bend over, walk(ok, waddle) quickly, shave, or get around as easily as what "normal" used to be. Painting my own toes is something I can no longer do myself, Chris has said that he'll help out but I've yet to see him with nail polish in hand. 

 We have registered for baby gifts, lots of small necessities, diapers, & then a ridiculously expensive car seat that we REALLY want. Brit can stay in it from 5 lbs to 100 lbs if necessary, so really it's a good choice economically. Have I sold you on it?

My husband has softened up more, he has been so nuturing, helpful, & thoughtful. This little baby has strenghtend & increased our love for each other, it's incredible. 

Watch the Bump Grow: Weeks 20-26

Wooaaahh! We're halfway there. Wooaaahh, livin' on a prayer.

Well, my little sweet potato (that's what I like to call him) has been hanging out with me for  20 weeks now. What a massive landmark, I thought I'd never be here-we are so blessed!

We found out at 12 weeks that we would be having a son but, as we told our family his gender we received so many expressions of skepticism. Thank goodness our talented sonographer confirmed this week that there is indeed a little boy in there, I told y'all so!

At the ultrasound I was informed that I have a low-lying placenta. At this point in the pregnancy it is not a big deal, there is still time for it to shift. I am scheduled for another ultrasound in a month to recheck the placenta's position, plans will be made from there if it has not shifted. I pray that it moves because a c-section does not fit in with my plans of a natural & drug free delivery.

During week 18 while at work, I felt a tiny flutter. I spent far too long trying to determine wether it was gas or the baby for it to be a moment of surprise. After a few days the flutters became more obvious that they were indeed baby: slightly stronger & more frequent, by the time 19 weeks rolled around his Daddy was able to feel it too. It was incredibly emotional to watch my husband connect with his son for the first time, he sat motionless, his hands covering my belly, wearing an ear to ear grin on his face, & giving a chuckle each time he felt a wiggle.  Once the baby settled back in, Chris shook my belly around to get a reaction, nothing happened- my boy must take after his mama's famous move of going limp if daddy tries to wrestle her. 

I feel pretty good other than constant heartburn & headaches, the sensation of a rod shoved down my esophagus to diaphragm, & recently have had a lot of mild discomfort from stretching ligaments. I go to bed very early & lay down to rest on the weekends since this baby business is very tiring! I have developed eczema for the first time in my life due to the hormones, I have a frequent/desperate but small appetite, & as of two weeks ago I had only gained 3 pounds during the pregnancy- I'm sure it will catch up very soon. As an already emotional girl, pregnancy has exacerbated my emotions. Everything makes me cry: happy, sad, excited. Kidd Kraddick passed away, my brother-in-law 
returned from Afghanistan, a commercial with a newborn: all provoked a sob fest.

I have been purging the house of unnecessary clutter & forcing my husband to reorganize & wrap up long standing projects. I am looking for an inspiration piece for the nursery, throwing paint samples on the wall, & pinning away ideas for the nursery. A baby shower is in the works for the fall & I'm struggling to keep my hands out of the planning. His name has been chosen & several major decisions are being made, life in general is busier than ever before & couldn't be better. Here's to the next 20 weeks.

It's a....

How We Made a Baby

***Not a TMI situation, I promise!***
As you know, after 3+ years of trying to conceive & have a successful pregnancy we were at our limit. Physically, my body couldn't handle the treatments & drugs any longer. Financially, we couldn't provide for more invasive treatments or fund an adoption. I was heartbroken because it meant I would live my life childless when I felt my purpose in life was to be a mother. 

So here we were in mid-March, I began taking my last ever dose of Clomid & tracking any signs of ovulation, once I had a positive result I made our final appointment with our fertility doctor. On April Fools, Chris went to the clinic an hour before I did, he did his portion of the appointment & returned to work. After I arrived alone I was put in an exam room & proceeded to have a meltdown once the doctor came in, Dr.K immediately brought me back down off the ledge. He reassured me that even though this was our last chance & attempt at a child via medical intervention, he KNEW that this was going to work & that I would walk out of that clinic pregnant. He did a quick ultrasound & saw plenty of eggs in my ovaries, then the performed my final IUI. As he walked out the door he gave me a hard core high five & encouraged me to relax as he was certain that I was pregnant. I laid on the exam table for 10 minutes to allow everything to settle & toward the ceiling I begged God that this would be the baby that made it into our arms. 

For the next two weeks I tried not to think of anything related to pregnancy, babies, or starting a period. I began having terrible back pain that wasn't normal for me but, I just knew I was going to start, still I decided to take a pregnancy test just in case. I'd barely finished the test & could already see two pink lines! I ran to Chris on the back porch & yelled at him to get off his phone. I stood out there in my panties, ugly crying, shaking, & freaking out as I told the man that I love that he would finally get to be a daddy. We both immediately had a sense that this time the baby was ours to keep. 

And that is how we conceived our sweet little babe with my husband miles away from me. All it took was 3 years of practice for Chris & myself, with Dr.Z, Dr.K, & Jesus' sweet mercy to create this baby, a miracle, oh what a miracle!

The view at the fertility clinic. Sexy!

Watch the belly grow! Weeks 5-12.

1. I had nowhere to put a baby belly so it protruded immediately.

2. I forgot to take pics & draw the chalk board a few times-whoops. 

3. Every single picture shows exactly how tired I was, focus on that cute belly!