$648.00

Dear Santa,
I've been a very good girl......

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I'm a Quitter.

I quit infertilty treatments. I haven't notified the doctor, I'm being rebellious.
We had one more last ditch effort IUI, and put so much hope into it. Maybe seeing "Aunt Flo" at the bowling alley was the last straw. (Are you kidding me?! Of all the places! Way to break it to me gently, uterus.) I couldn't even bear to tell my family that it was unsuccessful. My body has betrayed me and the drugs meant to help have tortured me for the last 10 months. I quit because I can't handle the heartbreak of being unsuccesful any longer. It has been 639 days since I miscarried, every single one of those days has been filled with thoughts my little one, the babies I want to know and how to get them here. 639 days of agony. It's like mourning a death-constantly, it never lets up.
We have some major changes up ahead, maybe I'll be ready to jump back into the game after them. In the meantime I will beg Him for a miracle or two.

Faux Friends

Did you ever have that "friend" that could say anything she wanted, but you must remain silent and be her doormat? In her mind she could ask unappropriate things, insult you and yours, and compete in everything you do. Something has happened within me, maybe it was turning 30, I don't know. I no longer have the ability to tolerate this appalling bullshit from this type of woman. She was there in high school, there in college, there with her child, and sometimes she was even family. My heart breaks that women treat each other so poorly, friends should love one another without conditions or terms. It is not acceptable to worry about running into "her" while out in our small town.
Not to toot my own horn, but, I am a loyal friend-I care so deeply about my friends that occasionally I go overboard, I give too freely. What do you need? I'm there. I have or see something they would like, I give it to them. They hurt, I hurt. They share, I listen. I don't miss birthdays. I offer these things because it is what I would hope for, call it my Love Language of Friendship.
I believe that as a person's friend you are allowed to disagree and that a difference in opinion should not define the end of your relationship. Although, if it does end the relationship, it is possible that she was never your friend to begin with, and you are far better off without her. Realizing and embracing that though is a very difficult task, it is much eaisier to feel that you have failed.
On the flipside, how amazing is it that your Best Friend when you were 12, remains you're Best Friend today?! A.E.M has seen me through so much, L.A.V.H has made many sacrifices for me, P.G is my soul sista, B.W is the greatest encourager, and E.B always shows me a good time. There are so many other great women in my life that I am beyond thankful for, like Candace Bushnell said, " Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."
I am so grateful that a change took place inside of me and that I allowed myself to purge of these faux friends, it is so freeing to no longer be attached to such disgusting behavior.
Strive to be a woman who shows her pals just how precious they are to you, wether you always agree 100% or not.