Late night toilet update

The toilet saga continues: It's 11:00 at night & I just had to pee in my backyard. I didn't hear any shrieks of terror from the neighbors, the moonlight must have been dim. The puppies were a bit confused at the sight though, I think "who wants to go potty?" just took on a whole new meaning for the dog-girls. The house reeks of Liquid Plumber & there is sewage in the showers so bathing for work tomorrow isn't an option but, a big shout out to the kitchen sink for draining properly for brushing our teeth & washing our faces. I will be stalking the plumber in the morning, cross your fingers for an easy fix...

A small victory

Today my patients baby cousin came over to visit. He had beautiful rolls of flesh for thighs, a soft fat belly, & 2 sweet dimples on his cheeks that snuck out with each giggle. 

For the first time in three years without a thought or self-psychoanalyzing I walked to a baby with a purpose & scooped him up. We bounced, cooed, laughed, had a bottle, & rocked to sleep. 

As he snuggled into me I felt completely accepted by such a sweet little stranger. I want to believe that in his soul he knew I needed a moment of healing, the purity of him in my arms was beautiful. It wasn't until I had to leave that I realized the hurdle I'd finally crossed, there was no anguish, pain, or  jealousy associated with a baby & I coexisting together in a room. It wasn't me against the baby, finally. 

Toilet

**Warning** this post will give you a mental image of pee & poo, it is intended to be humorous, read it in your best sarcastic Aubrey impression voice.**

Not only is my lady-plumbing(stupid ovaries) backed up, so is our house plumbing. We have had toilet drama since we bought this house. Out of the blue the shower won't drain. Use the sink & the toilet starts to bubble. The toilet fills to the brim when all you do is pee & use 4 squares of tp. The best stuff is when sewage comes up the bathtub. 

We've replaced the toilet with a fancy-expensive-new Kohler smart flush, had the city come inspect their portion of the line, had a plumber out twice, used Root Be Gone once, poured countless bottles of Liquid Plumber down the tub, plunged til' our biceps & abs are rock hard, & as a last ditch effort used a jug of sulfuric acid. That worked for one week .

This morning I tried to flush a Yorkie turd & a water roach that was still twitching & the toilet filled to the brim, all I could do was to sit down & cry.

 Then I prayed for the weirdest thing I've ever prayed for, for God to clear our toilet lines & saying outloud "Satan, I banish you from our plumbing". How many times have you heard that? I bet God just chuckled...

My man is out of town, I don't have the funds for a plumber, & this is not a job that I prefer to handle. I'm still waiting for results & trying desperately to persuade my bladder to be calm. I really would rather not pop a squat in the backyard & educate the young sheltered neighbor boys about female anatomy through the chain link fence. So, somebody hurry, quick call Mike Holmes or do us a favor & send out a prayer for our toilet. 

The perpatrator.

Letting the sleeping dogs lie...

Here's why the dogs do NOT sleep in bed with us.

THE MOMMA:

THE DADDY:

I think that explains it.

As if you didn't know this post was coming...

Kim Kardashian is pregnant. 

Entertainment media has gone insane with: Kim K takes her fetus to the gym, Kim K's maternity style, Kim K-will she be a good mother? 

I couldn't be pissy-er about it. IT being the fact that I'm still childless, but "kimye" reproduces & the stupidity of our nations fascination with a chick who's famous for nothing but having a big ass. It's annoying .

Mostly though, I'm heartbroken for that innocent baby that will be born into a life of endless publicity & criticism. Will the baby even feel true love from its media whore parents, or will her team of nannies be her source of  all things parental?

Duh, obviously God has a plan for every single person & that nothing ever really makes sense to a simple person like me but, why does that sweet baby get gifted to those parents? Why is the plan for Chris & I  to be to suffer childlessly? (& her sister Khloe)

As I rant about others having babies, I also weep in joy for my soon to be new niece, for the kindness of a surrogate for Giuliana Rancic, & two of my best friends that are expecting. I'm so happy for them, but my wounded heart won't allow me to enjoy their bellies like I want, my defense is in distance & knowing as few details as possible. The Kardashian pregnancy is being force fed to us all by our media, I have no control over how much I see since its treated as breaking news on tv, facebook, & at the grocery checkout. Please, please, please make a fool of me Kim & Kanye, love that baby more than yourself(which is ALOT) & know how incredibly blessed you are.