Today my patients baby cousin came over to visit. He had beautiful rolls of flesh for thighs, a soft fat belly, & 2 sweet dimples on his cheeks that snuck out with each giggle.
For the first time in three years without a thought or self-psychoanalyzing I walked to a baby with a purpose & scooped him up. We bounced, cooed, laughed, had a bottle, & rocked to sleep.
As he snuggled into me I felt completely accepted by such a sweet little stranger. I want to believe that in his soul he knew I needed a moment of healing, the purity of him in my arms was beautiful. It wasn't until I had to leave that I realized the hurdle I'd finally crossed, there was no anguish, pain, or jealousy associated with a baby & I coexisting together in a room. It wasn't me against the baby, finally.
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