INfertile Myrtle

Miscarriage.
Subchorionic hemorrhage.
Amenorrhea.
Septate uterus.
Anovulation.
Failed IUI.
Surgery, surgery, surgery.
Etcetera.
Picture this: I am the little girl that insisted that my baby doll, Natalie, be included in family pictures at Christmas time and famously "gave birth" to the pillow under my nightgown at the age of 10, for my grandparents to see(envision Grandma Ruth's jaw hitting the floor), and have aspired since toddlerhood to have a career as a stay-at-home-mom.  So yesterday, as I sat in waiting room full of baby bellies, I tried to choke back my pain as I awaited yet another fertility injection. Those poor preggo's appeared a bit uncomfortable and stared at the floor as I choked on tears & attempted to tolerate the former coworker who innocently chose the WORST EVER go-to phrases intended to console an infertile(in the future I'll post a list of these things).
The last year and a half+ has been hell, reproductively speaking, following my February 2010 miscarriage. I have taken more ovulation & pregnancy tests than I can count and I could pee on a stick blindfolded. For the last eight months I have taken Clomid, the last three months: Repronex, and an injection of Profase just once. Internal sonograms and HSG's are a piece of cake, Progesterone  suppositories AKA "uterine wallpaper", are my constant internal companion . Ask me what day it is, and I'll spout off my cycle day long before I realize you meant Wednesday.
But, I suddenly need to take a break from infertility treatments, I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's been eight months of a constant-heinous headache, roller coaster emotions like sorrow and hopelessness, abdominal discomfort, nausea, and welcome to the new guy: anger.
I know that I can't expect the world around me to cater to my pain, and I know it's gotten to the point of ridiculious when I think that Pampers commercials were intentionally filmed and broadcast to twist the knife in my heart/uterus. I want to punch infertility in the face for what it's doing to me. I want to feel normal again & be excited for the baby mama's. I want to be able to hold my cousins newborn for more than 5 seconds without agony and making it awkward to be around. But most of all, I just want my baby.
P.S. Thank you to those of you  that have showered us with love, encouragement, and prayers. We are so grateful.